Imperfect Beauty

Tried on 2 shirts that didn’t fit me 5 months ago, their not only fitting me, but their also loose on me. I think I’ve found my new favorite shirts. Just in time for something comfortable, yet nice to wear all year round here in Florida. Although it’s super strange because I haven’t really lost any weight since March, but hey the scale lies sometimes, cause I can tell a little bit that I am loosing weight, and I’ve list about 4inches all around my body since January. It’s not a fast pace weight loss, but that’s okay with me, because hopefully It’ll stay off.

I know my blog is about my weight loss, and writing, and such. Had to get this out there some how, and thought I’d just share it here. So I recently went onto Youtube, and watched Pillow Talk 2! Losing my Virginity by Trisha Paytas, who by the way is an amazing person, and I look up to now. Any who, so most of you if any don’t know that I was molested from the time I was 2 till I was 8. I’m not looking for pitty by the way, just want to get my story out there. Back to the story. I didn’t say it in full content what really happened, but I basically stated that at age 9 I chose to have sex with a boy I loved/love. I’ve known him since I was 7years old, I’m not 19. People may judge me and say I’m for child abuse, and child sex, and what ever else, but trust me I’m not. Due to the fact that I’d had sex before unwillingly, I just assumed at that age it was natural, until I was older and realized what actually happened. What most people are upset about though it the fact that I don’t regret having sex by choice at 9years old. I use to regret it, but regret took up so much of my life, and I was in depression because of how much regret I held onto that I eventually came to terms with myself. Now I don’t regret anything, yeah I could have made better choices, but it’s all helped me become who I eventually hope to be. I’m not happy I have sex by choice that young, but I did love, and still do love the same boy all these years later. We’re not together though, and we never will be, but we’re still involved in each other’s lives emotionally, not physically. Since then I’ve had sex with 4 other boys. This coming Valentine’s day will be 3 years sex free, and I’ve promised myself to not have sex again till I’m in a very committed relationship, or even married at that. People can call me whatever they please, but Over the past year I’ve grown stronger, and I’m finally getting my story out there for people who don’t have the strength to get their’s out yet, if ever. I do not condone sex at such a young age, I do not condone child abuse, sexual abuse, or any kind of abuse on anyone any age. Just because I had sex at age 9, doesn’t mean I’m a slut, or a freak, or whore, or any other names there are. I have a history, and even though the guys not in jail, it doesn’t matter, because I know the truth. Besides the public now knowing about this I’ve only ever told 2 other people about this. My dad found out the hard way, my mom still doesn’t know. The boy I had sex with when I was 9 is the other person who knows. I tried telling people when I was younger, but nobody believed me, because they didn’t know this guy behind closed doors. I will always stand-up for myself, and anyone else in cases such as mine, because it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with. People should really get to know someone’s story, and get to know the person in general before coming to conclusions, because not all people are who they seem to be, and one bad story doesn’t define a person. I hope nobody takes this the wrong way, and doesn’t find it offensive, it’s just me telling my story as a whole, instead of parts. If you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask, or if you need help dealing with something, I’ll be here as a friend, because I know what it feels like to be on the sideline. That’s all I have to say for now.

Be your own greatness. Stand tall and proud. Speak loud with confidence. Never be one to give-up.

Now that summer is almost over I can’t wait for winter. Only because I’ll have a legit reason to wear jeans, and boots. Even though I live in FL I still can’t wait. I love wearing summer clothes, but I can’t wait till it cools off a little so I can actually wear winter like things. Although thinking of it now, I need to move somewhere that actually has a colder winter, and a nice summer. Where the leaves change colors in the fall, and the flowers bloom all over in the spring. Ugh I miss seeing all the seasons.

Pick her up and pretend you’re going to throw her in the pool. She’ll scream and fight you, but secretly, she’ll love it. Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand when you drive. Just hold her hand. Tell her she looks pretty. Look her in the eyes when you talk to her. Protect her. Tell her stupid jokes. Tickle her, even when she says stop. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Get her mad, then kiss her. Tease her and let her tease you back. Kiss her on the cheek. Kiss her on the forehead. Just kiss her. Let her wear your clothes. Go slow. Don’t push anything. When you fall in love with her, tell her.

(via iwannagoalltheway)

Nobody can define you or what you’ll become!!